Well, I have to respectfully disagree with a lot of what you said there.
Pods: Yeah, they are incredibly irritating at times, primarily when you’re already fighting one and you accidentally trigger another one, or sometimes two. However, once a fight has started, the rule is to not expand the field of vision (push the fog of war) by even one tile, if you want to be safe. It’s a poor mechanic but I’m not sure I’d say it’s unfair as such. The player knows how it works and pods won’t just randomly trigger or suddenly appear. Occasionally a patrol pod might walk in but when that happens you get a turn first so that you can adjust.
Ambush: Not sure what you mean, especially with regards to ambushing two pods. One should never do that unless incredibly confident. Yeah, I can’t comment on this as I’m not sure what kind of situation we’re talking about.
Timed missions: This is to stop overwatch creep. If a player finds that they keep running out of time, then they can mod it or simply go to a lower difficulty setting.
Random hits: I partly agree with you on this but only because I prefer PP’s ballistic system. I still wouldn’t say XCOM’s is ‘unfair’ though. Not satisfactory maybe but not unfair. A 90% shot is a 90% shot. The game tells you the odds. It’s up to the player to take the risk and, hopefully, have a plan B ready in case that 90% shot misses.
Hacking: Again, the %'s are there. It’s a gamble and it’s supposed to be. You don’t have to take it. I completed Legendary Ironman (never again :S ) without ever using those kind of hacks. The ones that are compulsory do not have a risk associated with them.
Civvies: Insane risks? I wouldn’t go that far. Those missions are made to tempt you out of your comfort zone, to tempt you to take risks rather than sitting back with overwatch on. It’s deliberately made to rush you, or at least trick you into feeling rushed. You don’t have to though, you can usually rescue enough early on to clear the mission. Like you say, it’s for the player to manage.
Panic: I’m not sure what version you mean, maybe it got patched, but the vast majority of the time they hunker down, shoot at an enemy or run away. It’s rare they do anything else. Besides, panic is supposed to punish you, you’re not supposed to let soldiers get to the point they panic. In XCOM it’s supposed to be a big deal, not a minor inconvenience, which is why it’s actually quite rare for squaddies to panic in the first place.
I understand if people don’t like XCOM mechanics, it’s all subjective. I do prefer a couple of PP’s choices (ballistic fire, no pods) but that doesn’t mean they’re inherently ‘unfair’.